JC Day 9

Okay... I made it through week one and my Anniversary AND Thanksgiving weekend without going outside the Jenny food. The only thing I had outside the eating list was 5 oz. of red wine.  Shit, it was Amarone... who can resist that, right? I even made 2 pecan pies and didn't as much as lick the spoon or eat a nut crumb.

I did 3 days good cardio this week, 20-40 minutes each.

My first weigh-in was today. So, how did I do?

They say that you can lose up to 4lbs in the first week, and that is what I did. Shit - 4 lbs. I know it's mostly water weight, ... but it's something, and it's something I'm going to take.

The food tastes okay, and I'm becoming less hungry... but I'm never truly full when my meal is over, and my cravings for sweets are never truly sated. But at the same time, I'm not starving or climbing the walls fighting the urge to eat the cookies that are in the pantry. When I'm hungry, I drink liquid or do something to keep my mind off my stomach and palate.

So now I'm thinking of next week - - 1-2lbs if I exercise and eat as the menu planner says.  I have a daunting thought in the back of my mind.  It's weakly groaning, "26 more to go... 13 more weeks at the very least of this..." I can't listen to this thought. It's like my mental Kryptonite... and it'll weaken my resolve, and then I'll slip, and if I slip, I'll feel self-disdain, and I'll sabotage myself further, and then I'll let the program crumble. And then? Then I'll be back to square one.

I'm reading a Blog post of this guy who's taken two years to lose 50lbs... he keeps cheating and justifying why he's not following the program... I admire his fortitude for not giving up, but feel for him, because when he sloughs off weeks that he gains weight or loses nothing... I know what's going on inside his thoughts as he feels entitled to eat what he wants, when he wants. But the truth is, this is why he is overweight in the first place. That's why so many North American's are overweight in the first place. A sense of self entitlement.

See, the truth is, only a rare few people in the world are able to eat what they want, when they want, and not gain weight. We don't hunt for our food anymore, and very few of us in Western civilization have to physically work for it, either.

I guess the true reality is that food is not for daily gratification and true pleasure and will never likely be again. Food is for fuel and for nutrients, and if you can make it fun and be sated by the right amounts, than you've really achieved something.  

Today I have not achieved that. But at least I have accepted what food is REALLY for - for the rest of my life. 

FYI - I am hungry right now.  I'm going to have a big glass of flavoured water and a chai tea with sweetener and read a book.